yea im gonna complain get over it

remember before surgery when i said i felt alone. yea i had no idea what that meant. i spent my friday night all alone...kinda like i have spent every night since i have been home. literally. i hate it. i hate being here. i was gonna go to the game but that would mean sitting alone. and i did that at the last game and didn't feel like doing that again. i have a job so i do that. i go to church. but i feel more alone there then ever. then i come home and sit by myself and watch tv or dream about the future. on the occasion i get a text saying what up. but you know its not like im mad at my friends at all. because they are just trying to live their lives and im not really a part of that anymore. i mean i am but im leaving in august and i mean they don't think about me when they are making plans because i don't go to school with them so why would i be on there minds. its whatever i just have to keep reminding myself that i only have to survive the next few months. but that is how i have been living the past like 3 years of my life. just survive today. are things better since the surgery health wise? yea. oh yea for sure i feel better then i ever have but that just means i have more time to focus on being alone. lol. well next month i get to La Canada and visit my friend from PRC jules. so that is very exciting. for real. and my family is coming to visit soon so they always make me feel better. this me hoping that i never remember this year in 10 years

love and rockets,

chitwood