surgery was hard...life is harder.

i want out of here so bad. i feel like i don't belong. i know i sorta do. but at least i don't anymore. owasso will always be my homme. it has shaped me in more ways then i would like to admit. but its time for me to get out of here. but for me that means working full time till august. then catching a plan to a place that i hope will allow to move on.

surgery went great. for the most part. now just trying to get back on my feet.

there is a big huge part of me that just wants to walk away from all of my past. the pain. and the life that pain caused me but someone tonight reminded me that my past isn't something to just leave. it made me amanda chitwood. and i kind of like the me i am. so halloween is fun bc i can pretend to be someone i'm not. but now its over and life is back to normal

love and rockets,

chitwood

:)

Top 10 things that made me smile today:

10- My dog razzie, who lately has become my best friend. always makes me smile.

9- The old man at the mall who opened up the door for me and told me to have a nice day even though he could barely walk.

8- Looking at shoes at the mall

7- the smell of barnes and noble

6- driving down the road with the windows down

5- Cherry Berry WITH STEPHERS!!!!

4- talking to an old friend... (actually this was last night)

3- Veronica Mars

2- Marissa Gomez's pictures of our weekend

1- talking to my mom in the morning like the good ole days.

0- Alex my little brother...he freaking rocks.

yea i could complain about why my life sucks. but that gets me nowhere. i have a million reasons to smile...here is ten.

love and rockets,

chitwood

my life...lately

my life as chitwood...

my life has been so much different then i ever in a million years though it would be. i am an 18 year old high school graduate. i should off at college being on my own living on my own terms. but instead i have made a decision that will drastically alter the rest of my life...in a completely different way.

I have decided to have a total pancreatectomy and islet cell transplant. which means that they are taking out my entire pancreas, gallbladder, spleen, and parts of my stomach and small intestine. then taking the cells that create insulin and reinserting them into my liver.

PROS:

Well if it works then i will no longer be in as intense of pain as i am now. and i wont have to worry about pancreatic cancer in the future. and i am at a place in my life where this is the perfect time.

CONS: it could you know not work and nothing could change then i would have diabetes to deal with too. DIABETES. oh and the recovery itself. will be long...and then the whole major surgery thing.

if this works it will be the 13th time they have done this successfully EVER. so 13, like my favorite artist taylor swift, has become my favorite number. so that adds a whole new level of stress.

I haven't talked about this really except to like ash and mexi but im so scared. like when i really think about it i forget how to breathe and feel like im going to puke. but there is still that feeling like i know i made the right decision. so the surgery is scheduled for the 28th of September at 8 a.m. in rochester, MN.

this whole thing about saying goodbye for my friends while they leave for college. and me being a bum here kinda just waiting till then. i feel like a complete loser. everyone says i shouldn't but i do. i am completely alone. my friends that are still here are in school and my friends that aren't here are starting new chapters of there life...and im stuck doing something that no one really understands. and i have amazing friends who will tell me up and down that this is wrong. but at the end of the day when they really think about it...this is what is true.

i dont know. im scared. im really tired. im so excited. im happy for all of my friends. and im lonely.

someone once said...at the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.

love and rockets,

chitwood

i'll stand back and God can open the doors

So since last time i posted something absolutely incredible has happened. I said i wanted to go to MCC next year well someone i used to know who went there and now works there and so does there husband contacted me and told me that if i wanted to attend there THIS fall. that they could make that happen. isn't that kind of incredible...i think so. thank you hannah and nick brown. for real. you guys rock.

God really is pretty incredible. for sure. He never fails to completely blow my mind.

tomorrow i'm heading to arkansas to see my favorite cuz, chrissy. Then on Sunday me and ashley are going to camp again. bc 2nd and 3rd grade camp rocks. CYOKAMO is an amazing place.

love and rockets,

Chitwood

3000 minutes later

oh i suck at this thing. i've been insane busy the past few months. so since chicago i have graduated from high school and enjoyed the first few weeks of my summer. graduation was perfect there really is nothing like getting dressed up in a ridic outfit and parading in front of 8000 people which you and 589 of your closet friends supposedly know. but really graduation from high school is a pretty big mile stone and i'm proud that i made it. :)

last day of school was followed by last day for school party which is always a blast this year w

as no exception i tend to have the best friends in the world i mean really who wouldn't want to hang out with me. jk jk.

the next day i got my wisdom teeth taken out which really just wasn't a fun experience but thats over now so i ain't gonna complain.

Oh and then one of my best friends from my mayo trip ness came for a visit and we didn't do a whole lot. but i had a blast.

the next week was FX aka family experience at my church. and i don't really know but it was frakin awesome. that is for sure

Then this past week was My last CYOKAMO as a

camper ever. that is crazy sad. geez i mean after like 9 years of camp and this is it. i just wow. but it was an amazing week this week. our Youth Group bonded which was crazy needed. THUG LIFE 2010. fcc is gonna be just fine. and i have so much faith in their future. also i made a huge decision kids:

after helping around stuff this year and going to TCC i will be transferring to Manhattan Christian College :) it feels more right then staying home this year felt.

also i had a job interview wednesday so lets pray i get the job bc i need the money. bad.

things in my life are going well. great actually. i'll try to update more often.

love and rockets,

chitwood

this is my family. they are the best thing to ever happen to me. i will do anything for them.

Chicago!

This weekend was amazing. thursday night the entire pride of owasso left for Chicago. after sleeping on the softest bus partner Alyssa Kile the whole way there i felt rested...kinda. our first stop in chicago was an outdoor mall which i guess is common in other parts of the country but thats not really something we have here so that was much fun to see. We got checked into our hotel where we had a sick room lol. with a cool sink. We to dinner at this pizza place and i had my first taste of Chicago pizza. which i think is the best pizza i have ever had. ever. with the coolest table ever. Then i got to see Blue man group! it was breathtaking. I loved every minute of it. Saturday i got up early and headed to the competition. Where we dominated. All of the Owasso bands got superior ratings, and wind ensemble won best woodwinds and best PERCUSSION! and alot of people got soloist awards. it was awesome. Lunch that day i went to the most AMAZING place ever. ESPNZONE!!!! there was sports on everywhere even in the bathrooms! it was awesome. got to eat good food and play video games. The night we went to Ed Debevics which is one of those restraunts where they are rude to you on purpose. It was the funnest thing that has ever happened ever. and if you weren't there then i can't describe it. that night we got to go to sleep early thank goodness cause i was dead tired. Sunday we spent the day at six flags. Which i was nervous about because i hate roller coasters. but i rode most of them and hung out with the dl boys. who are amazing and i love very much.So this trip sounds amazing so far right? yea well i'm not done. the best thing w

e did was go to the skydeck at Willis Tower(formally sears tower). 103 floors in the air and you can see the whole city. i had tears in my eyes. then they had they clear glass floors you could walk out on and it looked like you were standing in the air. it was so scary. but while i was standing out on this glass thing shaking it hit me that i have the whole wide world in front of me. and that i can do anything i want in this world but that none of it would matter if i didn't have people around me that i love. so i looked around at all of my friends. the ones that have never left my side. the ones who love me for me. and no joke i let a tear fall. but a happy tear. so thank you. Alyssa Kile, Ben Pingel, John Gagner, Amanda Smith, Scott Jones, Davis Ward, Austin Bewley, Max Neimeyer, Shelby Knudson, Kelsey Skidmore, Jason Boggs, Phillip McCoy, Sean Lauby, Audrey Running, and everyone else that i can't think of right now for making this trip the best ever. and for everything you all have done for me through the years. you guys are amazing

love and rockets,

chitwood